Monday, December 8, 2014

The Boyfriend/Husband List

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

As I've grown up, I've always loved this verse. This verse talks about Jesus's love for all of us. If we substitute love for His, we get, He is patient, He is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, or self-seeking, He is not easily angered, and He keeps no record of wrongs. He does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. He never fails. 

Now you may read that and say, but He does envy, and I would reply no He doesn't, He wants us to worship Him and love Him, but He doesn't get angry with us when we don't. Then you might say, but He does keep a record of wrongs, which I would reply, in all honesty, He doesn't. When Jesus went on that cross, all our sins were wiped away, we need only to ask for forgiveness and try to stay away from the sin. 

Jesus has shown us how to love, and what true love looks like. The apostle Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 what love is. I've been through a couple of relationships in the past, but none of them were ever self-less on both ends. Either I just wanted to the guy because he was the most popular, or he had some selfish reasons to be in the relationship. It was never what is described here. 

Thinking about my past with boys, and my future with my future husband, I decided a few weeks ago that I needed to make a list. So many people make lists about different things, so what's so special about this list? It holds the standards that I'm going to hold to myself, and my future husband. I've never wanted to share something so bad, but there never was a time like this to really share my husband list. So without further ado, my husband list. 

1. He is patient
I made a "Dear Future Husband" letter a few months back, and in this letter, I asked for patience as I fell into my role as a wife. I'm looking for someone that won't fly off the wall at the first sign of trouble. I know that I will burn dinner, and not have a backup plan, but I also know that with enough practice, I will get it right. I also know, that when we start a family, the kids will be running around and making lots of noise, that's what kids do. I don't want someone who is going to yell constantly because he's watching a game. 

2. He has the same faith
Most people put this first, but I decided against it. Sure it's important, the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Yes it's important, but at the same time. I don't believe that God would lead us to someone who He feels we need to fix. I believe that if the timing is right in both of our lives, He will bring us together.

3. He is not proud
This one is pretty important to me, because we are called to be humble many times in the Bible. We are supposed to be confident in who we are in Christ, but not so overly confident that we have a mindset that we can do no wrong. I don't want someone to tear me down to build themselves up. A relationship is selfless, not selfish. 

4. He can let things go
I find this one the one that I've had a lot of problems with with past boyfriends. When someone does something wrong, there is always that one person who brings that up to get a laugh out of everyone. I don't want something to go on in our relationship that is totally embarrassing, and he tell everyone to make me look bad. I'm sure he wouldn't want me to do the same, so I don't want him to do such things. 

5. He respects family
We all have those family members, or friends, or coworkers that we don't particularly like. Does that mean that we are rude to them? Or that we talk badly behind their backs? No! I know that whoever my future husband is, that he will be marrying my family, and if I'm not kind to my family, why should he? I'm very loyal to the people that I surround myself with, so I will be very protective of my family when someone has something to say about them. I don't want to constantly have my guard up when we get home from a family function because he's going to have something to say. I think that we will all go through tough times, and that family is there 97% of the time. He should be just as protective of his family as I am of mine. Remember ladies, if he respects his mom and sisters, he will respect you!

6. He is kind to everyone
I know that when we have a bad day, we want to lash out at the world. If you work as a cashier, or something to do with the public, and you've had a bad day. I know that it's easy to just get to the end of the line so you don't have to deal with people anymore. I know we all have those days, but if you strive to be kind, it could turn your day around that fast. I know there are times that we won't get along and that he's going to have to go do something, so instead of lashing out, he will take the good with the bad, and he will make it a mission to try and be as kind as possible to everyone. 

7. He can talk it out
Like I said before, I'm not going to get everything right on the first try. Sometimes I'm going to be upset and forget something, and that may cause some friction in our relationship. I'm okay with that. Couples have to get over bumps to get to the end. I'm not okay with him storming out, and coming back thinking everything is all better. I need to talk things out for my sanity. The saying don't go to bed angry, is something I believe in strongly. 

8. He perseveres
There will be those times where we want to give up, and I know it would be easier, but I also know that it is so rewarding to get over the bump and enjoy the ride until the next one. I know that nothing is ever easy, but I find it so attractive for a man to constantly strive for his relationship. I think it's so attractive for a man to want to be in the relationship so much, that he literally put it before his friends, and even his family. 

9. He is trustworthy
Trust is the key to a relationship. If he isn't showing you that you can trust him, maybe it's time to reevaluate the relationship. 

10. He knows when he's wrong 
I know that many people in today's society would tell you that a confident man is a man that you should be striving for. To a degree, yes it is. You want someone who will take charge and be the leader of his family, but you also want someone who is going to be able to say, "I'm sorry." These are hard words to swallow for anyone, but even more for someone who isn't humble. 

This list is for my future husband, but it's also for me. I can't expect someone to work so hard for a goal if I'm not willing to strive for it either. I encourage you to sit down, and think long and hard about your list. If you do write one, make sure it's reachable, and that you would be willing to evaluate yourself to and make the proper changes. 

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to be his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

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