Thursday, May 4, 2017

2017 - New Year, New Me

It's officially May 2017, and so much has changed. It's so funny to revert back to past blog posts and remember what I wanted from this. I remember wanting to use this as a reaching out point to get feelings across. I remember wanting this to encourage someone in their spiritual adventure. It's just so crazy to know that back then I had no idea what I was doing, but I wanted to reach people that I didn't think I could before. I've learned a lot since the last time that I posted. I've learned that if you put your mind to something you can make it work. I've learned that it's okay to move away from home and try and build a life. I've learned that we will all make mistakes, but it shows what kind of person you are to pick yourself up and learn from those mistakes.

You can and you will, if you're willing.

In January, I moved from small town Florence, Colorado to the big city of Denver. I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. After my parents dropped me off and left me to unpack, I contemplated if this was the right choice. If I should call my parents before they left the city to come back and get me. Although, looking back at it now, I don't think I would have accomplished half of the things I have had I done that. I think the biggest thing moving taught me was that if you put your mind to something, you can accomplish anything you want. I didn't ever foresee myself doing exactly what I wanted right away, nor did I imagine buying my own car with my own money and making my own payments.

My parents always taught me that if I wanted something I should go out and work for it. I've been a firm believer in that all my life. I'm just starting to see it come into play now, and it's amazing!! I encourage everyone to take that next step in life, no matter how scary. Had I let my fear hold me back, I wouldn't have accomplished half the things I have this far. The biggest being that I've learned to navigate the big city. Which, trust me, is a huge feat!

Home is where the heart is, not always where you reside. 

Growing up, I was always very close to my family. We were the family that was at church together almost every Sunday, and then we'd have a good lunch together and usually end it with a fun family movie. Then fast forward to my teen years where I was homeschooled my whole high school career, you get really close when you're with your family the whole time. I never complained, my siblings are my best friends and my most favorite people in this world. I wouldn't trade any of those moments.

But I had to learn to be alone. Which is a very difficult pill to swallow. When you're the oldest of four kids, you tend to always be helping someone. You look forward to those down times where you can focus on you, but like I said, you wouldn't trade it. And I still wouldn't. I just realized how much of my time was given to someone else when I had to sit in my new home all by myself and realized I didn't have anyone else to take care of but myself. It's crazy how your own silence can be so loud.

"Home is where the heart is," never had more meaning than when I moved to Denver. I realized just where my heart was when I was sitting in bed wishing one of my siblings was around to cuddle with while we watched a Disney movie. I realized just where my heart was when I was having a hard time sleeping in the quietness of my own room without someone snoring. I realized just where my heart was when I came home from exploring and had no one to tell it to. I realized that my heart will always be with my family in small town Florence, Colorado.

We all make mistakes, how will you learn from yours?

I think the biggest heartbreak of my life came this year. I made a poor decision and it cost me a really great guy. I've since gotten back together with him, but I learned what it meant to be completely and totally alone at that point. I think when we make a mistake, we expect something grand to happen to cause an epiphany within us. In most cases, that really doesn't happen.

In my case, it didn't happen until I made it happen. I had to make the choice to stop sulking, get out of bed and learn from my mistakes. I had to be the one to man up and apologize for what I did. I had to make the choice to stop playing the victim and step up to the plate for what I did. The point of this is I had to be the one to pick myself up. Learning from our mistakes means that we take a look at the specific situation and realize what we did wrong and make the effort to never do it again.

I don't have all the answers, but I know that in today's society, we need to be reliant on ourselves. We should know ourselves enough to know what we need in times of need. In the last 4 months, I've learned so much more about myself. I want to share what I'm feeling, what adventures I went on, but also my struggles. Cause we aren't perfect, we'll make mistakes, but I hope to encourage someone else in knowing that we can get past something and come out so much stronger.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

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